It's a Losing Battle

I always held it together fairly well, even during life’s crises. I stay on top of things. I organize. I prioritize. I remember. I’m punctual. I do what needs to be done. I keep my head above water. I rule my world with a level head and plans out the ying-yang.

Insert baby here.

I have the occasional breakdown. I’ve slid down a few rungs from the top. I live with clutter. My prioritizing always starts with baby…and ends with myself. I forget. A lot. I never get anywhere on time. What “needs to be done” has been redefined. I’ve swallowed a few mouthfuls of water. Punky rules my world; trying to plan is a waste of the little energy I have.

This morning, as I stared at the dried toothpaste that‘s been on the counter for weeks, I vowed to take ten minutes this weekend and clean the bathroom. But, it’s probably too far down the “needs to be done” list and will inevitably be bumped by something a bit more urgent. Let’s face it, that toothpaste isn’t really hurting anyone so screw it. Yeah, it won’t get done, I can bet a pinky on it.

Then I wandered out to the living room and saw the toys scattered all over. Looks like a toy store exploded and the debris landed in my house. How did this happen? She is only seven months old. What the hell is her room going to look like when she’s a teenager?

My eyes jumped over to the stack of mail…okay, bills…desperately needing my attention. I can almost hear my wonderful credit score falling down the ladder in the distance. It’s not the money. It’s the time. I need to make time to take care of this stuff. Hell, maybe it is the money. I have no clue. It’s been too long since I sat down and did the math.

A kitchen sink full of baby bottles. A dryer full of wrinkled clothes. A half-eaten banana on the counter. My god, did I finish one thing I set out to do before going to bed last night?

This evening after work I will start again at the top of the “to do” list. The three short hours I have with Punky before she goes to bed pass quickly. During that time, I am all hers. It’s all the time I can give her during the week so I make every minute count. Once she’s asleep, I’ll tackle that list with a vengeance…