Today You Are One

Beautiful baby girl,

If I close my eyes, I can recall almost every moment.  I hear the sounds and voices in the operating room...the clanging of metal instruments...the doctor giving orders to the nurses.  I see the bright lights blinding me from above.  I smell the cup from the oxygen mask that covered my face through the surgery.  I was terrified.  I was exhausted.  I was drugged.  I was fighting to hold on and stay awake for the birth of my precious girl.

Suddenly I heard someone say, "She'll be born any minute..." and tears poured from my eyes.  The sweet sound of your cry filled the room.  You were here.  You were safe.  You were healthy.  I passed out...

I opened my eyes and you were in Daddy's arms.  Your face was red and swollen, your eyes were full of goop, your body was wrapped up in a tight little coccoon...you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  He gave me a nod to tell me everything was fine, and he brought you close so I could say hello, kiss your forehead, and finally meet the incredible little person that shared my body for nine months.

My tears of joy quickly turned to sadness when you had to leave the room.  The doctors still needed to finish the surgery and close the incisions.  You and Daddy had to leave.  I didn't even have the opportunity to hold you since I was still flat on the operating table.

Once I was finally in recovery, the nurses brought you to me.  It seemed like an eternity till I got to hold you for the first time.  And once I did, I knew I'd never want to let go...

Today you are one.  

You walk.  You talk.  You laugh.  You sing.  You dance.  You play.  You smile.  You hug.  You kiss.  You understand.  You have two teeth.  You eat real food.  

You are curious.  You are smart.  You are loving.  You are funny.  You are cuddly.  You are independent.  You are strong.  You are happy.  You are beautiful.

You love music.  You love people.  You love to help.  You love to play rough.  You love your blankie and your nite-nite frog.  You love books.  You love balls.  You love learning.  You love snacks.  You love bath time.

I love how happy you are to see me in the morning.  I love the way you smile and laugh at the littlest things.  I love the way you smell after bath time.  I love the way you cuddle up and fall asleep in my arms.  I love the games we play.  I love our special book time every night.  I love the way you help get the clothes into and out of the dryer.  I love how you show me you are so big.  I love how you can make me smile and forget the rest of the world even exists.

I love your little giggle.  I love the way your eyes light up when you get excited at seeing something new.  I love the way you come over and hug me when I haven't even asked.  I love being your mama.  One year under my belt, a lifetime to go...

Of all the things I've been in life, being your mama is the most amazing, rewarding, incredible, absolute best thing I could ever be.  I can't imagine my life without you.  You complete me.  You filled my heart with love and joy I never knew existed.  You changed my life.  You changed my whole world.  You made me a better person.  

Today you are one.  Soon you will be two, then three, then ten, then sixteen...  Time will go on and I will continue to enjoy every moment, every smile, every giggle, every cuddle...

I will always be your mama.  I will always be here for you.  I will always listen.  I will always lend a helping hand.  I will always give you guidance and encouragement.  I will always be your friend.

You will always be my baby.

Happy birthday to my precious little girl...

I love you, Julia Allyn.