Stay-at-home Dad

Looks like I started blogging just in time. I already have something to whine...write about, and I definitely need an outlet to vent.

Even when you somewhat anticipate a curve ball it can still catch you off guard and smack you in the face. I've been smacked. Thanks to the wonderful economy, we knew for months his job was hanging by a thread. It finally broke this morning. He is officially unemployed. Sigh.

My immediate reaction to the news was an anxiety attack. Calm, cool, and collected is hardly my style. I was surprised though by how quickly I regained the ability to breathe. Maybe it's a side-effect of this "mom" thing. I need to be calm for her. Think positive. Be rational. She is depending on me to know what to do. Moms always know what to do. Hmmm.

On my drive to work this morning, my mind raced to put everything into perspective. How bad is it? How bad can it get?

Will we starve to death? I doubt it.
Will we freeze come winter? Unlikely.
Will we lose our home? Probably not.
Will our little girl be taken care of? Surely.
Will our current lifestyle change? Definitely.

So, maybe it won't be as bad as my initial reaction made it seem. Don't get me wrong, it totally blows and money will get extremely tight. I will be devoting this weekend to developing a new budget and counting our pennies (I hope not literally). Although I feel a bit better now that the shock and panic have passed, I am still full of worry. That's always been my nature and it's certainly not going to change now. Things will work out. They always do. Right?

One last feeling I need to express: jealousy. He gets to be a stay-at-home dad, at least for a while. It tears me up inside every morning when I kiss Punky goodbye and head for the door. I feel like I am missing so much of her life being absent 50+ hours a week. I know it's out of necessity; I need to work to provide the best life I can. I just miss her. Constantly. I'd give anything to stay home with her while she's so little, and I think it's sad that this wonderful country of ours doesn't do more to help moms be financially able to afford it. Just one year would be great. We need to take notes from other countries when it comes to family and what is needed to successfully form one and keep it together. It's hard when you can't spend time together because you can't pay the bills if you do. Sorry...ramble.

Anyway, stay-at-home dad, I hope you appreciate it as much as I would if given the same opportunity.