Why blog? Why now?

I really don't have a good answer to either. I woke up a few days ago and had a thought. Maybe I'll jump on the bandwagon and start a blog, so here goes nothing.

I used to love writing, especially in my teens. It was a way to get all my feelings under control. Then life happened and the pen and paper got pushed aside. Twenty years later it's a different game entirely. Blogging is all the rage. Who needs paper journals anymore? You can bear your soul electronically and as an added bonus the whole world can laugh at you. I mean, with you.

I have no idea what will come of this, where it's headed, or even when I'll find time to do it. At age 36, I think I have firmly landed in middle age and the realization that my life may be half over is starting to sink in a bit. May as well embrace it; I can fight it, but it's a fight one can never truly win. Life is a one-way ticket.

As little as a few months ago, I would have never had these thoughts. I never felt like I even grew up entirely. The day I finally woke up and felt like an adult was the morning after my daughter was born this past December. I felt like a different person the minute I opened my eyes. I heard the old saying "motherhood changes you" but I didn't realize the change would be instant. I knew I was no longer the person I had been, and I couldn't quite grasp who I had suddenly become. A mom.

Almost six moths later, I'm still fairly clueless. Maybe writing will help me figure it out. If nothing else, someday this will be a great way for my sweet baby girl to really learn about her mom. At the end of my pregnancy I began keeping a journal for her to read when she is older. Once she was born, the entries dwindled as I adjusted to our new life together. I still try at least once a week to record some of her life, her milestones, precious memories...maybe this blog will be a way for me to accomplish that task.

Maybe putting it out here for the world to read will give me the added pressure I need to stick with it and make time to do it. Maybe it won't. I can't promise anything right now, but I feel a bit better now knowing this outlet exists. I have taken the first step. It's like a new window has opened, and whenever I want to breathe the fresh air I just need to type. If only I was a better typist...