People Don't Change

I have decided not to attend my high school class reunion.

Eighteen years. Why eighteen? We didn’t have a five, ten, or fifteen year reunion, so I don’t think it would have been a problem to wait two more years for twenty. But the who’s-who apparently decided on eighteen.

When I first received the invitation, my gut response was not to go. Then I debated a bit, but landed back at no.

For one thing, it’s falls on a weekend that’s not particularly good for making the trip home. We will be there weekend before, and to go back down the very next weekend is a lot of travel and hassle with the baby.

Second, it’s expensive. They are having it where we had our prom. It’s a fairly nice place, but there are definitely better options in the area that would be much more affordable. This place is just way overpriced, and with his recent job loss, I have better ways to spend my money.

Third, there are really only a few people I care to see again, and it would be my luck that those people wouldn’t come. With a class size near four hundred, I never knew at least half of them. Of the remaining two hundred, I would probably only remember half. Of that hundred, I probably never really liked at least a quarter of them, and don’t care to ever see them again. Of the remaining seventy five, at least a third were solely casual acquaintances. We were never really close to begin with, so why bother catching up? Of the last fifty, I’m sure at least half won’t come. So that leaves maybe twenty-five people I may enjoy seeing again, and with all of the socializing going on, I’d be lucky to sneak in a five-minute conversation with half of them. Hardly seems worth it for 12 and a half people.

Fourth, I’m fat. Yeah, I know no one has their eighteen year-old bodies anymore, and I’m sure there are many people in much worse shape than I am, but still. I can use the “I just had a baby” excuse, but with her now over six months, I think I’m pushing the limits on that one. I really don’t think I look all that bad now, but I know going to the reunion would bring out the same self-esteem issues and insecurities I had in high school.

Through social networking sites, I have already “caught up” a bit with many people from high school. From what I’ve seen thus far, the old adage is true. People don’t change. The funny ones are still funny, the smart ones are still smart, the snobby ones are still snobby, the nice ones are still nice, etc… But, I’m not the same person I was in high school. I’ve changed.

Well, nope. I guess not really when I stop to think about it. I was shy in school and I still am. I was studious and serious when it came to schoolwork, and I am still that way with work in the adult world. I had many acquaintances in high school, but only a handful of close friends…still that way today. I still love to do the things I did growing up over the years. Essentially, I guess my true personality is exactly the same as it was back then. I haven’t changed.

Wait a minute, I’m a mom now. And that changed everything, remember? My view of the world is entirely different now. I’ve posted about this before. I’m still struggling to figure out who I am six months later. Or am I? On one hand, it appears I truly haven’t changed a bit…yet on the other hand I feel like I’ve changed so much with Punky that I don’t exactly know who I am at times. Hmmm…

Suddenly I feel like I’m on an episode of The Twilight Zone. Which is it? Have I changed or haven’t I? If people don’t change, I must still be the same. Maybe the core is the same, but the outer layers are different. I mean, you change your clothes over and over again, but underneath is still the same naked person. You carry the scars from the past with you, and deep inside you store your hopes for the future. Wearing a pink shirt one day doesn’t change the fact that you never really cared for pink. You know where I’m going with this so I will stop myself before the rambling gets worse.

My hasty conclusion? People don’t change. Except for me. I’m special. And even if they have changed, it’s not worth paying $65 a person to attend the reunion to see it. Seriously, I’m way too cheap for that. I may have been persuaded for $25.