Workin' for a Livin'

Ah, work.  The topic I shy away from more than any other in this blog.

Lately it's been causing me some fairly high stress levels and quite frankly it's starting to piss me off. It was even the main cause of my few-and-far-between posts towards the end of the year. While it's true I struggled with writing most of last year as I waded through what I considered a mid-life crisis at its finest, work sealed the deal in the final months.  I was writing at home almost every night for weeks, but obviously not on this blog.

On November 1st, a drastic price hike on a raw material sent my boss and those above him just reeling.  Before I could say boo, I was leading a team of plant managers, supervisors, and production planners on a project with one specific goal: to reduce our costs come hell or high water.  Time was of the essence and I had to turn in the final report before Christmas.  My initial response to his request was shear panic, but I rose to the challenge, met the deadline, and actually really enjoyed the ride.

My current position doesn't allow for much of the work I truly enjoy doing.  I love analysis, I love problem solving, I love burying myself in data and sorting my way to the answer one long, complicated spreadsheet at a time.  In fact, that's exactly what I was originally hired to do.  When the loss of business resulted in some restructuring almost three years ago, I was moved into a different position that can mostly be described in one word: dull.  It's littered with repetitive daily tasks that require very little brain power, if any.  There is a whole world of issues and problems that can be tackled in relation to my position, however I don't have the power to do any of it.  I'd say 90% of my current job can adequately be performed by a high school dropout whose only previous work experience involves some sort of fast-food uniform.

Once I settled into this position a few months in, it was actually a breath of fresh air for a while.  Punky was only eighteen months old at the time.  I was still struggling to find the right balance between my role as a parent and the demands of working outside the home.  Once my job suddenly required less focus, less attention to detail, and less stress and aggravation, it became easier to achieve that balance.  Work simply became work.  Just a job and nothing more.  I did what I needed to do from eight to five and easily left it all behind me when the day was done.  I had more energy, clarity, and patience to tackle the really important things in life, and I was okay with that.  For a while.

It's funny because my former boss warned me that a year into this position I would be bored to tears.  It actually took about a year and a half - six months to learn all I needed to, and then a full year bask in its mundanity.  Given that it's now just two months shy of three years in this job, I can safely say I'm over it and the point really hit home on the heels of this recent project.  For two months straight I was up to my eyeballs in analysis, research, organization, meetings, and writing the report.  I was busy.  I had to think.  I had to focus.  I was reminded how I always do my best work under pressure, and just how long it had been since I've felt any on the work front.  The whole experience was so refreshing, so invigorating, and so satisfying.

Come January, it was back to business as usual.  And it brought with it feelings of dread and discontent. Since business still hasn't improved much, I fear I'll be stuck in this seat forever.

Some people experience a seven-year itch in relationships; I tend to suffer a five-year itch when it comes to employment.  December marked my five year anniversary with this company, and recent events have ignited the itch. It's conflicting, really.  Half of my brain is calling me an idiot.  Why do I want more stress?  Why do I want work to consume so much of my life again? I'm getting a decent salary without having to over-exert myself.  Why do I need to think so much anyway?

The other half of my brain is yearning to do more.  It's simply not satisfied with the boring, daily routine.  It wants to make a difference.  It wants to think outside the box again.  It wants to be used, and challenged, and exhausted at the end of the work day.

One half needs to shut up.  I'm not sure which yet.  I wish business would pick up and settle the argument for me.  If I continue to wallow in this state of mind, a career change is eminent.  And as much as I'd love a new opportunity, starting over sucks.  Period.