The skies are clearing. I got one leg up on the edge of the rut I've been stuck in for a week or so. Hopefully, after a relaxing weekend, I'll be able to pull the other one out as well.
Rock bottom came on Wednesday. The previously mentioned door burst open as anticipated and my mounting anxiety finally peaked. As icing on the cake, I was also sick as a dog. It really wasn't a surprise; I always seem to get sick after a period of intense stress. I guess it's normal. They say stress weakens the immune system, but it still couldn't have come at a worse time.
Although I forced myself to last through the entire work day, my poor physical and emotional states left me useless at home that evening. Punky's dad and grammy kept her busy and amused while I sat on the couch feeling miserable. Runny nose, sore throat, dull headache, low fever, chills, and body aches...all dipped in a nice coating of anxiety, depression, sadness, self-pity, and bouts of salty tears. I dug in the back of a drawer to find the leftover pain meds from my c-section almost sixteen months ago, popped a potent one, and went to bed early. And to my surprise, I actually slept.
As soon as I opened my eyes in the morning, I knew things were different. Physically, I felt so much better. I was still a bit achy and my nose wasn't quite done yet, but it was a world of improvement from the night before. Emotionally, the storm had passed. One way or another, I got it out of my system and felt somehow refreshed. Confident, even. Everything will be okay...
The last few weeks were rough, but I'm finally a bit optomistic about the next ones. It will still be a lot of change, but I feel better about handling it. As far as my job goes, several conversations with my boss-to-be reminded me of how much I really wanted that position in the first place. He seems so excited and enthusiastic about me joining his team, and he has some big plans for the direction of my new role. His attitude has helped mine greatly; now I hope I can live up to all his expectations.
On the homefront, one specific issue Punky's dad and I were having for months has been resolved. We finally arrived at a compromise we can both live with so hopefully brighter days are coming in that department.
I am looking forward to the weekend. I'm in the mood to shop... and that only happens about twice a year so I need to take advantage of it when it hits. I really need some new clothes for work... especially shoes since all my favorites seem to have broken in the last month ot two. And Punky needs a bathing suit if we are going to start a mom & baby swim class next week.
And I need to buy myself something... frivilous. A reward just for me. I never buy myself much of anything, usually just necessities and only when I really and truly need them. But once in a while I feel like I deserve a little something special. A bonus for not slapping the lab tech yesterday when she still missed the vein on the fourth attempt. A treat for maintaining professionalism instead of telling them exactly where to stick this job move and mooning them on my way out the door. A gift for being a great friend, even if it's not always reciprocated.
And the results of the bloodwork? Still too high; skip a pill a week. I was sure it had gone the other way based on how I felt the past few days, but a trip to the ladies room this afternoon revealed the true source of my hormonal imbalance. Surprise! Sneaky bitch...
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